Struggling....

I seem to be getting right back into the same old rut. I'm still struggling in the romantic area. For some unbeknown reason I have multiple married men who approach me and proposition me. I realize that I am in an age bracket that has more married men than single men but does that mean that they should hit on me and ask to have some sort of relationship with me? I work in a male dominated field where stress is a daily check off on our list and perhaps its the fact that I spend the night every third day with 1-3 men (depending on whose on shift)is a factor. I don't know and nor do I care why it happens as long as its not me putting off the vibe that I'm okay with that. What I do care about is that it stops happening and that eventually have a love life that's worth a darn at some point. I don't care to recycle an old boyfriends-its against my religion. They are ex's for a reason.

I thought that after I moved back home that I would be okay and that everything would return to normal. I was mistaken. The only thing that the California trip confirmed was that I have no relationship with my father at all and there is nothing that I can do about that. I have felt guilty for years about our relationship-or the lack there of. I was not the one who left him, that was my mother, I was not the one who didn't call and didn't visit when he promised, that was my father. I'm not even catholic and I have so much guilt about something that I had no control over at all. And since I left the driveway of my father's house in California I have not been able to get my father to speak to me. I'm struggling with the fact that he is acting like such a child. I wish he could see what he is doing to me and actually feel bad about it. But he doesn't and most likely will never see or talk to me again. I need to come to a point where I don't care anymore than he does about this situation and let go. It was soooo much easier when I was 3000 miles away and didn't have to face the fact that he didn't care about me-and then I go and move to California and see it for myself. UGH! Oh well, right? Life goes on...his has anyway.

On a brighter note I paid 1000.00 off on my credit cards and have cut back my spending tremendously-might have something to do with the fact that I work almost every cotton-pickin-day! Hard to shop when all ya do is work and sleep.

I have lost 11 pounds in a month...don't think its from the one day that I worked out at the gym and the two bottles of water. Again, it's most likely due to my work schedule and the stomach virus that nearly did me in. Whatever works for me, right? About five more stomach viruses and I will be at my ideal weight. Anyone wanting to share the toilet-seat-bonding virus? Anyone?

I have consolidated and deleted an immense amount of crap! My closet looks fabulous! It would look even better to me if it were filled with skinny people closet-that actually fit my body. One thing at a time though.

Well, I am still optimistic about this year and the goals that I set. I will keep struggling and keep going no matter what. "You never fail if you never give up"!

Later Gator Haters!!!

Twenty Ten

As a single, educated woman in her...prime, I have decided to actually make a New Year's resolution and goals list. I have made New Year's resolutions in the past but did not actually care if they were met or not. This year is different! I'm not sure why I have a fire under my butt this as opposed to others. Perhaps its the fact that I'm done with school for the time being or the fact that I have an overwhelming need to accomplish something in life. I feel as if I'm a hamster on a wheel-running and running and getting no where fast. All of my friends are now college graduates, married and established in their careers. Almost all of them have babies. I have at least accomplished that one small fete of graduating college now on to the rest of the million things that I'm behind in. Here's the plan:

Personal:

1. Get in shape-yes, round is a shape but I would like to be a different shape this year. I'm not going to set a weight amount because I tend to obsess about it and will go overboard.

2. Be a better person everyday. Whether that means actually being nice or just doing things for people without having to get praised for it.

3. Do more for my community. Volunteering, donating time(since I'm broke and trying to save money), giving away stuff I don't use or need.

4. Get more organized. Go through paper work, get containers for better storage, get rid of useless items. Consolidate clothing and make a list of needs. Get big CD cases for DVDs to organize in.

5. Decide if Nursing school is the route or if PA school is for me?? Tough choice. For me its not a money thing its a patient contact thing! I would rather spend time with my patients than paperwork.


Financial:

1. Save for a house

2. Save for an emergency fund

3. Pay off credit cards and car

4. Get car fixed and a tune up

5. Have a trip fund



Some of these may not get accomplished but if I get near the finish line I would be exstatic!

I hope you all have a fabulous New Year and be safe.

My Flying Trip Off Maverick

OK so here goes the story of my clavicle’s traumatic day. I began the fateful day of August 5, 2009 by telling my stepmom that I was feeling brave and wanted to saddle up Maverick and ride. With the help of dad Maverick was saddled and I was feeling better and better with every lap of the round pin. Pat (stepmom) asked if I was bored and ready to get out of the pin and of course I enthusiastically said “yes”. Maverick was doing everything I asked as we walked calmly down the dirt road. I made one lap and decided to go for one more. At the end of the lap I turned Maverick to head back toward the pin and saw a van coming toward us. As the van approached I was getting Maverick and I on the side of the road to give us more space when I noticed that the van did not slow down and swerved from left to right. At this point the van was maybe 20 feet away and Maverick decided it would be a fabulous time to start running, not trotting, but running. I pulled the reigns, calmly told him to stop, much to my dismay Maverick decided to amp up his little tantrum to a full out run. As I held on for dear life with my fat rolls bouncing in dusty wind I found that I had to let go of the reigns and hold on to the horn of the saddle. At this point the only part of my body actually touching the horse was my death grip on the horn, this was due to the fact that Maverick thought that he would show off by bucking. Keep in mind that I had no idea the freakin’ horse was even bucking. By the third buck I took flight. I could feel Maverick going right so being the brilliant horsewoman that I am, I chose left as my fate. I vividly remember flying through the air and screaming (and we all know how quite I am). I really thought that it was a dream until I opened my bloodshot, hazel eyes and realized I was facing the opposite way in which I was flying. In the distance I saw the van’s break lights and looked for Maverick to make sure that I wouldn’t be trampled on. Maverick was stopped and a safe distance away from me. I heard people yelling “don’t move”, “be still”, “oh, #$%^”, and “I’m calling 911”. All I could think was that it wasn’t necessary to call an ambulance. After all I was breathing and could feel my toes so what’s the need in bothering people.
Well being the rebellious person that I am (I know that this comes as a surprise) I pushed myself up and on to my butt. Note: sitting on a dirt and gravel road is not recommended. Once I sat up I realized that there was warm liquid pouring down my face. Since I am an avid weather watcher (insert thick sarcasm) I deduced that it was not rain and in fact was my vital fluids leaking from my already swollen head. At this point I asked my father to run to the barn and grab my camera and document the fabulous occasion; Thus the less than glamorous smile and hair due picture. If you take a moment to look closely at this picture in the background you will notice a nice pool of blood in the dirt-always have to leave my mark ya know! I did a halfway job at a self rapid trauma exam and found a unique lump on my left side in the mid clavicular area. I obviously couldn’t reach and feel the left side of my head but I was good with the knowledge that blood was escaping from my head.

Well, the volunteer fire truck with 7 firemen arrive to my rescue from the harsh reality of my gravel bonding. I told them all the vital info and then informed them of my findings from my self trauma exam. I told one of the firemen that my butt was really hurting and he thought that it might be the gravel that I was on and he asked me to lean over. The sweet guy swept the rocks out from under my rear. I was really thankful for that. You can only imagine. I quickly educated them that I did not want to be strapped down to a backboard! And of course they told me that they would need to do so for my safety. I pulled the “I’m a paramedic” card and of course was met with the typical “well then you know that your mechanism of injury indicates……..blah blah blah”! Who cares! Didn’t these people know who they were dealing with? Geez! The firemen were great except for the small fact that three of them were unsuccessful at finding a pulse on me! Anyway, I kept them entertained with my witty, head injured, banter. After a nice long wait the woo woo, ding ding (aka ambulance) arrived. And I was soon starring into a tan face with green eyes…..ok he was the paramedic! What do you guys expect from me! I had a head injury! Anyway, they lift me on to the stretcher and then hit the cheat button-airlift stretcher. My quick reply to the airlift was “oh, my! You guys are cheaters!” Very original right.

Being the sweet patient that we all know that I am, I might have told the gorgeous paramedic where to insert my IV catheter. Seriously, I needed to feel like I had some control over the situation-I was strapped to the backboard after all. Give a girl some credit.

It was literally a 25 minute drive to the friggin’ hospital and so I made conversation with the EMS personnel while waves of nausea slapped me down the winding roads.

Anyway, made it there alive and was quickly seen by a great nurse –from New York! I was given toradol, diladid and zofran after telling the ER doctor that I was a light weight when it comes to medications. Several x-rays and a CT of my noggin and pelvis I was released from my prison of a backboard and given a sling for my broken clavicle, scrubbed and bandaged road rash.

This ends my exciting night of experiencing the California EMS and hospital systems and begins my healing process! Hope you enjoyed my story of flying, landing and clearing off the gravel.

Why I'm in the right profession

Next To Creating A Life The Finest Thing A Man Can Do Is Save One— Abraham Lincoln.

1. Rotating schedule is never mundane
2. I get to meet new people everyday
3. Blood, brains and guts is always fun
4. Learning everyday
5. I have insomnia and you don’t get to sleep much in this field
6. I can sleep and get paid some days
7. I get paid to watch and sometimes take care of sports athletes
8. I work with some of the most intelligent and amazing people
9. I have the opportunity to make a difference in others lives
10. I get a chance to do public education every shift
11. I love helping others feel better
12. I get to drive an ambulance like I stole it
13. I get to park and drive over anything I please
14. I have the perfect sense of humor for this field-sarcastic and gory
15. I get to be outside and enjoy the weather
16. I get to intubate and nurses can’t